Understanding Relational Reality: Expanding Your Perception

19 October 2026 3 min read هدهد تك | Hudhud Tech

Lisa Feldman Barrett, PhD, a University Distinguished Professor of Psychology at Northeastern University, challenges traditional views of reality. She argues that reality is neither purely objective nor solely subjective, but rather relational.

Barrett explains relational reality through an example: when a person tells their therapist they feel angry, and the therapist suggests they might actually be sad. An objective perspective would imply one of them is correct, while a subjective view would argue that the truth depends on personal experience. Barrett contends that reality is a blend of both perspectives.

“Reality may not be out there in the world, separate from you, and it’s definitely not only in your head,” she states. “It’s actually a combination of the two, which means that reality exists, but it exists in relation to you.”

How the Brain Constructs Meaning

Barrett emphasizes that perception is not a straightforward reflection of the external world. Instead, the brain interprets sensory signals based on past experiences, forming what she calls a Perception Box. This invisible mental framework shapes how each individual experiences reality.

“Your box is the ingredients — the signals that you bring to creating the relational present,” Barrett explains. She uses the classic parable of a tree falling in a forest to illustrate her point: a tree creates vibrations, but sound only occurs when an organism perceives and interprets those vibrations. Without a perceiver, the tree does not make a sound.

Broadening Your Understanding of Reality

Different organisms perceive different signals. For instance, whales can detect underwater vibrations that humans cannot, highlighting how certain aspects of reality remain inaccessible to us. Barrett notes, “We interfere with their ability to communicate with each other by our ignorance of their perspective.”

This concept extends to human interactions as well. During conflicts, individuals often rely on the authority of an objective reality to assert their correctness. However, if reality is relational, this approach becomes problematic.

“To resolve the conflict, you must acknowledge that someone else’s experience holds equal validity to your own,” Barrett advises. Recognizing that another person’s experience is as much a part of reality as your own does not diminish your perspective; rather, it enriches the understanding of reality.

Expanding Your Perception Box

Barrett suggests that while some aspects of reality are shared, others may only be accessible to specific individuals. Engaging with diverse people and experiences allows us to access new signals and meanings, thereby broadening our understanding of reality.

Spending time with like-minded individuals may reinforce familiar past experiences, but seeking out new perspectives fosters curiosity and growth. “The goal is to be curious and humble,” Barrett emphasizes. “We ought to experience as many aspects of reality as we can. Otherwise, we’re ignorant, and ignorance is not helpful.”

Barrett’s insights were shared during an interview for the series Relational Realism, produced in partnership with Unlikely Collaborators, a creative non-profit organization dedicated to challenging perceptions and expanding thinking. This growth often begins with a single unexpected question that prompts a reevaluation of one’s beliefs.